Donald Eugene Hayden, Jr.

Wow! If you're reading this, I guess I must be dead. I suppose it's appropriate that I write my own obituary since my first journalistic job was writing obits for the Tulsa World. I was born in Syracuse, New York on August 5, 1940, and moved with my parents, Donald and Mary Frances, to Portland, Maine in 1942 where my sister Elizabeth was born, and later to Tulsa in 1947 when my father took a position at the University of Tulsa. My childhood was probably a lot like that of anyone else who was born in that decade-homework, piano lessons, Sunday school, church, and youth group, walking to school with my sister, throwing a paper route, and reading the Hardy Boys mysteries. My favorite childhood memory is of spending the summers with my grandmother and Uncle Frank on his farm in Missouri, giving my parents and myself a much-needed break from each other. While there, I learned how to drive a tractor and how to slop the pigs. My other uncle, Delmar, lived up the road on the farm that abutted Frank's so I got to spend time with my cousin Donald Delmar, who was only a couple of months older than I was and who had an amazing comic book collection, and my cousin Dixie Lee, who was only three years older but who always seemed more mature. My youngest cousin, Frank III, didn't come along until I was a teenager so it was from a different perspective that I watched him grow up, get married to his lovely wife Mary, and become a father. I graduated from high school in 1958 as a part of the first graduating class of Thomas Edison High School. Then came college. I was not at that time the hard-working conscientious student I became later, and after three semesters of lack-luster performance, my father said, "I think this would be a good time to get your service out of the way." And the next day, we were at the US Navy recruitment center. I trained to be a torpedo man's mate because that was what my beloved Uncle Frank had been in WWII. I shipped out on the Allen M. Sumner and was off to see the world by way of the Cuban missile crisis. I am proud of my service to my country. Years later, I began to attend Sumner reunions and wrote newsletters to keep my Sumner friends in touch with each other. Reminiscing with fellow Navy veterans made me realize how pivotal those years of service had been for me. Perhaps the best result of having been in the Navy for four years is that when I went back to the University of Tulsa, I was on campus at the same time as Jane Smith. We met, dated, fell in love, and were married on August 19, 1967. As soon as we returned from our honeymoon, Jane began taking classes at the University of Oklahoma in Norman to work on her master's degree. When she returned every Friday, I would have cleaned the house and put a big sign on our front door saying, "WELCOME HOME, LOVER." Both things earned me lots of points. She still has that sign. We took great vacations, visiting almost every state and much of Canada, though we regretted that we did not make it to Denali National Park. By far, the most compelling park we saw was Pearl Harbor. You don't have to be a Navy veteran to feel the tragedy and heroism of that place. We also explored several countries in Europe. Of course, I took tons of photos wherever we traveled. We both enjoyed going to TU basketball games and football games and even to a few Final Four games. During my newspaper years, I worked at the Tulsa World, Tulsa Tribune, Sand Springs Leader, and then returned as photo editor at the Tulsa Tribune in 1990 until they stopped publishing in September of 1992. In 1976, I had a great assignment covering the escape of seven convicts, including Rex Brinley, from the State Penitentiary in McAlester. State troopers and a deputy sheriff allowed me to cover the story for the thirteen days it took to capture all the inmates. It was a terrific adventure for me since I was there to shoot photos, not guns. In 1983, the Oklahoma State Troopers magazine published a very long story I had written about the escape and subsequent capture of the convicts. In early 1983, I opened "Imagery by Hayden" a photography studio with emphasis on weddings, portraits and events including high school graduations and class reunions. I was the 1999 president of the Professional Photographers of Oklahoma, the editor of The Oklahoma Photographer, and a past president of the Indian Nations Professional Photographers Association. As one of the founding merchant members of the Brookside Merchants Association, I served as secretary and president. I later became editor of a five-state regional photography association magazine - The Southwest Image. I loved music! I was in Modern Choir at TU and even got to take a trip to New York City to perform with the group. I also played the piano, guitar, bongo drums and performed with friends in "coffee houses" and sometimes bars. Other pastimes included playing pool and miniature golf and yelling out the answers on Jeopardy, which I watched religiously. AA became a very important part of my life when I joined in 1978. I am thankful for the support of other members and grateful for my forty-four years of sobriety. What was harder to overcome was my addiction to tobacco. I told Jane I had quit but kept smoking anyway when I was away from home. Then on January 11, 2017, I had my first stroke, and while in the ER, Jane found an e-cigarette in my pants pocket. She gave me an ultimatum, and I never smoked again. Although I didn't have a dog as a child, Jane convinced me that we needed one. Over the years, we had four and I loved them all, but Mazie was my favorite. I wrote a book for Jane, complete with photos of course, on Mazie's life. We took some of her ashes with us to Hawaii and scattered them at Rainbow Bridge. And some we kept to mingle with mine. I was lucky to be embraced by Jane's family and had such wonderful times with her dad Don, mom Ruth, brother Rod, nephew David, niece Susan and her husband Chris and their girls Michelle and Jenny. Everyone in Jane's family was very special to me and an important part of my life. My sister and her sons Mark and Rellan live in Maine, so I didn't get to spend much time with them but loved it when they all came to Tulsa to visit my parents. We especially had fun going to Bell's Amusement Park and the Tulsa Zoo. One winter Elizabeth's husband Chris invited me to their home for a snowmobile experience. It was outstanding, even though I got the machine stuck in a snow bank within the first five minutes. My father was typical of many dads of that generation. He worked hard to provide for his family, meted out discipline as he saw fit, and taught me how to drive a car. I never knew quite where I stood with him, but in his later years, he said to my sister, "That Don. He is such a great guy." I wish he could have said it to me. I know everyone always thinks their mother was the best that ever lived, but mine really was. She was an excellent cook (rave reviews for her mulligatawny soup) and a professional grade seamstress. She was also intelligent and creative and witty. But best of all, she was always very supportive of me, and I felt her unconditional love. Oh, one more thing. I would like my epitaph to read: Wherever he went, he made friends. A memorial service will be held at Moore Funeral Home Southlawn Chapel at 9350 E 51st Street on September 30 at 10:00am. A veterans' interment ceremony will be held that same day at Fort Gibson National Cemetery at 2:30. In lieu of flowers, those wishing to may contribute to the American Heart Association or the American Lung Association.

Donald Eugene Hayden, Jr.

August 5, 1940 - July 10, 2022