Karen Torrey, 71, died on September 10, 2025, in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Karen was born in El Paso, Texas, on March 5, 1954, to Betty and Alonzo Kretzer, Sr. Alonzo was an officer in the army, and consequently, Karen's first word was an expletive, and some of her last words were expletives. She loved a good curse word. Throughout Karen's youth, she attended twelve schools, an experience she said caused her to struggle to connect but taught her to be gentle to everyone she met. The experience solidified her as a self-identified GDI - a person who questioned authority, specifically the patriarchal variety, and always encouraged us to speak up for what's right and to be brave navigating life, no matter who or what the obstacles were.

After El Paso, she moved to Butzbach, Germany for a few years. She talked about living in Germany frequently - it was where she felt closest to her little brother, where she felt most free and like herself, where she frequented her favorite candy shop to buy licorice and gummy bears, and where she memorized the words to O' Christmas Tree in German, of which she could remember until just a couple years ago. She visited Butzbach in 2013 on a trip with her daughter, remembering the location of her tiny apartment even though she had not been back in 50 years. Her memory was solid, crisp, and detailed.

After Butzbach, she lived in Lawton, Oklahoma (a couple of different times) and Springfield, Virginia. She ended her high school career in Carlisle, Pennsylvania, where she met one of her best friends, Merry (Johnson) Pratt. Kindred spirits in fighting the rigid systems of the military, they once toilet papered the officer's club, an adventure of which her mother found out and threated Karen's very existence on Earth. They also repeatedly removed the "keep off the grass" signs because they felt like grass was for being on. The post gave up on replacing the signs eventually, a triumph against a system they disagreed with. Karen felt known and connected through this friendship, and she expressed much love and gratitude to Merry for helping her get through high school military life.

Karen spent her first year in college at Southeastern Missouri State University, majoring in math. The experience didn't fill Karen's soul, so she started her new life the following year in Stillwater at Oklahoma State University, majoring in textiles and merchandising. One night, she was a little munchy and went looking for popcorn. She walked the hall of the dorm to see if anyone had any, and this is where she came across the love of her life, James Torrey.

On their first date, Karen was 45 minutes late, rushing to get ready, finally showing up limping with a twisted ankle from a hurried misstep after attending a campus fashion show. James, having acquired two parking tickets from waiting so long, appeared wearing a couple different plaids and a gash on his eye which was swollen shut from a basketball injury. Their kiss was an awkward and last-minute show of affection right as the elevator doors closed. James was the only boy Karen brought home who was brave enough to chit chat with her colonel father. Obviously, a match made in heaven, their wedding was on June 14, 1975, while still college. They remained married for 50 years until Karen died.

After her graduation from OSU, Karen was in retail as a buyer for John A. Brown, selecting stationery, handbags, leather goods, and lingerie. For the rest of her life, she had high expectations and an affinity for these items in her personal life. She had quite the collection of stationery and taught us to sit down and handwrite letters. She would never buy a purse made of faux leather, and she swore that Dilliard's had one of the best shoe collections. Here, she met her life-long friends, Kelly Krause and Barbara Stockton. She stepped away from the retail world when working 100-hour weeks during the holidays impeded her ability to enjoy the season with her young children.

Karen had two daughters, Ashley and Jordan. Karen did not love the post-partum era but valued raising her girls and loved being a mom. She openly discussed the joys and struggles of being an introverted mom and sometimes likened raising children with being pecked to death by a chicken. But she'd do anything for her girls....and did. She volunteered at their school, was supportive during all the ups and downs of life, and helped make adolescence and young adulthood manageable with an open, authentic, and direct style of communication. She went to almost every game and competition, stayed up late for deep conversations, and encouraged exploration of interests. She always answered the phone no matter the time of day and loved soaking up the emotions of life - the sweet but melancholic aspect of watching children grow up, deal with their own struggles, learn, and thrive. She was so proud of her girls.

For the next several years, she worked in a plant nursery as a lover of plants, worked for an estate sale company as an enthusiast of antiques and rare finds, and took a variety of classes like glass blowing and fencing. Yearning for an identify outside of parenthood, Karen began taking classes to be a massage therapist when her girls were in high school. This evolved to include energy work and Reiki. She was an incredibly skilled practitioner and had such gratitude for her clients. She gifted her skills to people with terminal illnesses, giving comfort when they were no longer comfortable in their bodies. She gave massages to Jordan and her roommates during college final weeks because she wanted to instill the importance of taking a break during stressful times. She always wanted to learn more and appreciated the connection she found in the massage community.


Karen was the grandmother of Ashley's five children - Makayla, Andy, Sierra, Preston, and Juliet. She was highly involved in their lives and was fiercely protective of them. She watched them every week for years and helped them clean their rooms, despite their resistance. She was so proud of them and advocated for them, even when they didn't know it. Jordan's daughter, Lennon, was born after Karen became sick. While Karen could not be involved in the same way with Lennon, together they enjoyed cuddles and rides in the wheelchair. We know Karen would have moved in with Jordan to spend more time with Lennon.

Karen always had a book with her and was big proponent of public libraries. She was a talented artist, leaving behind many drawings, paintings, and textiles, including her and her daughters' wedding dresses. She honored everyone's dignity and cheered people on, both directly and behind the scenes. She loved her phone calls with her mom, sister, and daughters. She did daily crossword puzzles and read obituaries in the paper at the breakfast table. She would subsist on yogurt, sandwiches, Fruit Loops, Twizzlers, and Hot Tamales if she could. She wore coordinating socks every day, loved blue and white ceramics, and had a good eye for eclectic tchotchkes. She loved ice-cold milk, hot tea, and traveling with her family. She enjoyed high-adrenaline activities like white-water rafting and rock climbing. She joined organizations that advocated for people and the environment, and she loved literally hugging trees.

Karen started exhibiting signs of memory loss around 2013 and was formally diagnosed with dementia in 2020. James was an incredible caretaker for those years until it was safer to move her into another place. Ashley visited her frequently at the memory care center, giving James some comfort about Karen's wellbeing when he was out of town. It was devastating to watch her decline, losing our beloved wife and mom one memory, skill, ability, and personality trait at a time.

Karen's is no longer with us physically, and we are heartbroken for that to be true, but so grateful she was ours. She leaves behind so many people who loved her: her husband, James; her daughters Ashley (Brent) Wolfe and Jordan Torrey (Kyle Turner); her six grandchildren, her sister Chris (Robert) Fogle and brother Alonzo (Sandy) Kretzer, Jr; several nephews and nieces; her friends; and her clients.

Karen's advice to you would be: take care of yourself. Advocate for people, creatures big and small, and for the environment. Rest when you need and get back up when you can. Let yourself feel all the emotions. Take a class. Read a book. Hug a friend and a tree. Question everything. F the patriarchy. Wear whatever you want. Buy good shoes. Record your stories. Write it down. Let it go.

In honor of Karen, we encourage you to donate socks or books to the Tulsa Day Center (or your preferred donation center) or to donate to the Alzheimer's Association